Tuesday, July 24, 2012

It's a miracle

"All these people died, and I got shot, but I didn't die! It's a miracle, praise Jebus!"  Oh, FFS. Seriously? You're happy with a god saying "hey, honey, you can live, because I like you. Fuck that little 6-year-old kid, and those other people, though." Because I'm not really impressed with that. I would have let everyone live. I think I should run for supreme deity. Here's my 7-day plan.

Day 1: Feed the World (Also make sure everyone has clean water.)
Day 2: End Religious Wars by saying "hey, I'm the Supreme Deity, now quit fighting." World Peace!
Day 3: Cure diseases, heal amputees/injured humans & other animals, invent safe cold fusion
Day 4: Repair planet, re-balance ecosystems, clean up space debris
Day 5: Terraform Mars, invent transporters/interplanetary travel (incorporate any existing Martian life)
Day 6: Ensure self-sustaining mundane tasks, make sure everyone can have a meaningful, fulfilling job that helps the world. Abolish money.
Day 7: Party! The best way to spend a day in my honor is by being nice to each other and having BBQs.

I think that looks like a pretty good week.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Every waking second?

What is up with people who insert gods into every single subject? I was just reading an article on HuffPo about a girl who died from huffing off a helium tank (yeah, that was bright), and some woman responded that if only we all lived as god intended, the article would not have been written. WTF? Along with what basically amounted to "if it had been my child, oh well, we don't live forever." WTGDPF?!

But anyway, are these people so weak/crazy/whatever that they can't go five seconds without being completely immersed in god-bother? These are the same people who boycott Halloween, and want to call it Jesus-ween. Which is seriously messed up, BTW. Guess what? Not every holiday is all about you. These are the people who get pissed off that they have to take down their "Our Heavenly Father" prayers that hang in public schools. Even though the very same people would fly into a foaming-at-the-mouth rage if somebody hung up a prayer to Allah, or Wicca, or Vishnu. Fuck these people. Fuck everything about them.

Monday, January 23, 2012

People really believe this stuff?

I get that people are brought up to believe that gods are unquestionable lest you damn your eternal soul. So I can see how people would be afraid to question those beliefs. But ghosts? Seriously? And not even in a "well that was weird and I'm creeped out" kind of way. Some of the people commenting on this Cracked article are all "ZOMG, my Aunt Zelda saw a ghost woman who answered her questions!" The fuck she did.

It's one thing to believe this stuff when you're a kid. It's another to be in full-on adulthood and think that incorporeal dead people are flying around talking to you. Or anybody else. I can't even get my head around this. Do they think Sixth Sense was a true story? FFS people.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Nerd Crush Alert

I am crushing on Ricky Gervais right now. I've kind of had him on my nerd crush list since before he lost weight and was suddenly hot. But after reading the linked article and its followup, he's square in the nerd crush realm. He gets it. And he can explain it. And it's funny. That's made out of win.

I don't date, but if I did, I can't imagine being with a guy who was a believer. What would you say when they talk about their magical thoughts? I can hold my tongue or just agree to disagree with a friend, but I could never get serious with or live with someone who thinks gods are real. The notion is so absurd to me that I just can't get my head around it. And that's OK with believers who are just friends, acquaintances, relatives or whatever. You can believe that the moon is made of green cheese, that aliens walk among us and they want to mutilate cattle and experiment on hillbillies, or that you have a personal relationship with an invisible man in the sky. Just don't expect me to join in.

But when you are in a relationship, that's not really possible. No, I'm not going to church with you this or any other week, including Christmas. No, I really don't want to hang out at your church functions. No, I don't want to be The Atheist Girlfriend in the family. No, I didn't like Signs. Yes, I did like Contact.

I guess those two movies spell it out plainly. I had a religious friend who really did not like Contact. I think what bugged him the most about the movie was that he didn't believe Jodie Foster's character would be turned down because she was an atheist. And he didn't like the way they portrayed Rob Lowe's character. I totally believed it, and everything Rob Lowe's character said was something I've heard or seen Christians say. OTOH, I didn't like Signs at all. I barely managed to sit through it. But we were at the drive-in with a bunch of my daughter's friends for her birthday. They weren't really watching it; they got out of the car and sat on the ground in the drizzling rain (with no sound). But they enjoyed being out somewhere, so we stayed. The whole thing was completely implausible to me. All those things were related? Seriously? The aliens were defeated by WATER? WTF were they planning to do if it rained? I'm guessing an awful lot of religious people went "aw, God took care of those people." No, bad writing and a horrible premise took care of those people.

Actually, now I wish I had seen that movie with someone like Ricky Gervais. That would have made it infinitely more entertaining. Too bad atheist conventions cost money, require interaction, and are apparently not girl-friendly (elevatorgate much?). I don't know where else to meet sane people.